Mayonaise, it turns out, doesn't have an expiration date.
It actually lasts forever.
After being in the fridge for 20 years, my mom took some out and put it on a sandwich.
And it was as good as the day it went in.
My mom likes mayonaise.
She likes mayonaise so much, she would put it on vegetables.
I didn't know vegetables could have mayonaise!
I thought that was an affront!
Like, how dare you put mayonaise on a perfectly good vegetable that's been sitting on the counter for three weeks?
... But she did...
She'd put it on cauliflower, broccoli, Brussels sprouts.
My mom loves mayonaise.
The only thing she loves more than mayonaise... is Miracle Whip.
If you haven't had the pleasure of trying out Miracle Whip, it's mayonaise's cousin that is significantly worse.
It's like someone took mayonaise, was like, "I can make something worse."
... And they did...
It's like mayonaise that lost its confidence.
It's like, "I'm gonna try something new."
"There's an alien in it."
"I know. I'm trying something new. "
"I don't like it."
"It's Miracle Whip."
My mom loves Miracle Whip.
She'd put it on salad.She'd put it on steak.She'd put it on sandwiches.
And you know what she'd put it on that really drove me crazy?
She'd put it on deviled eggs.
Deviled eggs is one of my favorite snacks.
I love deviled eggs.
But the fact that my mother would put Miracle Whip on deviled eggs made me question if I was eating a deviled egg or a Miracle Whip egg.
It was like if you went to a restaurant, and you ordered a quesadilla, and the waiter came back with a Miracle Whip quesadilla.
"I'm sorry, Did I order Miracle Whip or a quesadilla?"
I'm not sure.
Maybe I'm losing my mind.
My mom's a Miracle Whip person.My dad, he's a mayo guy.He's a mayo guy.
My mom is a Miracle Whip person.
In my family, we talk about mayo.
We talk about Miracle Whip.
And you know what we don't talk about? Politics.
I know that's a topic that a lot of people are talking about a lot.
And we don't.