Superhero bathroom habits.
"When did it become a thing where superheroes don't go to the bathroom?"
You ever notice James Bond never once went to the bathroom?
Never once went to the bathroom?
That's because he's a fucking spy.
He doesn't have time to go to the bathroom.
I'm not saying James Bond is a bad role model,but he could have at least showed you how to take a dump.
No.
I don't mean to pick on James Bond, that's just an example.
All these fucking characters in the movies, they go on adventures, they have lives, they don't take a shit.
And they're doing all these things.
They're eating, and they're running,
They're jumping off bridges, and they're doing cartwheels,and they're fighting.
And they never go to the bathroom.
Not once.
And this is what we expect of our superheroes.
And our superheroes are living up to it.
Let me tell you something,
You're never gonna see Tony Stark shit.Because Tony Stark never shits.
Tony Stark is a fucking genius.
Tony Stark invented a fucking suit, Tony Stark invented a car,and Tony Stark never shits.
Now I'm not saying Tony Stark is bad role model, because he's not, he's a genius.
But he's terrible role model.
Because real people have to go to the bathroom.
He can hold it.
I'm a comedian, I can't.
I gotta go.
When did it become a thing where superheroes don't go to the bathroom?
Do we do this in any other relationship?
The other night I was at a Knicks game.
I was by myself.
I was like, "I'm here for a game. It's about to start. And I gotta go."
I'm like, "Hold it. I'm a tough guy. I can do this."
I sat there for an hour.
I was like, "I'm gonna explode."
And so I went to the bathroom.
I'm just not a superhero.