The Soft-On-Crime Cooking Channel.
"What is this, the soft-on-crime cooking channel? You're gonna show me how to make it and then feed it to people? But not kill it?"
You know what the world didn't see coming? Six million cooking shows on Netflix. I swear to God.
I'm watching a cooking show and the guy is like, "And now, I'm going to show you how to make chicken."
And then the camera pans to a house full of fans going, "Yes! I love chicken! Yes! Chicken!"
"I'm going to make you a chicken!""You're going to make me a chicken! Make us a chicken!"
But you know what they don't do? They don't show you how to kill the chicken... They don't show you how to kill the chicken! They don't show you that part.
They just show you how to stuff it and roast it and make it into a meal.
And I'm watching this, like, "Why? Why is this not on here? Why do you not want to show me how to kill this chicken?"
"What is this, the soft-on-crime cooking channel? You're gonna show me how to make it and then feed it to people? But not kill it?"
And what happens to the rest of the chicken? The part that's not the breast? Do you take it out back and throw it over the fence? I wanna make the rest of this chicken!
So anyway, I was watching this show and I got hungry. And I was like, "I want to eat some chicken."
And then I was like, "I should ask my wife to make me some chicken." Because I don't know how to make chicken.
And you know what she says? She says, "I'm sorry, I didn't realize that was a requirement of my marriage."
So I act sweet. I say, "I thought I was marrying the most beautiful, intelligent woman in the world."
She's like, "Thank you. Now don't bother me. I'm gonna go watch sports and drink beer."
My wife is amazing.